Conflict is unavoidable; damage is not. Agree on rules while things are calm — no name-calling, no bringing up old failures, no walking out without saying you will return.
Part 01
The lesson
Aim to understand before you aim to win. Repeat their position back well enough that they agree with your summary, then state yours. Most arguments shrink dramatically once both people feel heard.
Reflection
Questions to sit with
- 01When you are hurt, do you say so, or do you go quiet and make the other person guess?
- 02What did you learn about love from the home you grew up in, and which parts do you want to keep?
- 03When did you last apologise without adding an explanation?
Put it into practice
Action points
- 01For one week, ask 'do you want help or do you want me to listen?' before responding to any problem someone brings you.
- 02Write down the last three arguments you had. Identify the real underlying issue in each, rather than the surface topic.