Most men listen in order to solve. Solving too early tells the other person their experience was a problem to be processed rather than something to be understood.
Part 01
The lesson
Practise reflecting before responding: 'So the hard part was feeling like you handled it alone?' Then ask whether they want your thoughts. Advice given after permission lands completely differently.
Part 02
In practice
'Do you want me to help fix this or do you just want me to hear it?' is one of the most useful sentences in any relationship.
Reflection
Questions to sit with
- 01When you are hurt, do you say so, or do you go quiet and make the other person guess?
- 02What did you learn about love from the home you grew up in, and which parts do you want to keep?
- 03When did you last apologise without adding an explanation?
Put it into practice
Action points
- 01For one week, ask 'do you want help or do you want me to listen?' before responding to any problem someone brings you.
- 02Write down the last three arguments you had. Identify the real underlying issue in each, rather than the surface topic.