You cannot communicate what you have never examined. Before you can tell a partner what you need, you need some accurate sense of how you react under stress, what makes you withdraw, and what you learned about love from the home you grew up in.
Part 01
The lesson
Start with patterns rather than analysis. Where do your relationships usually break? Do you go quiet, or do you get sharp? Do you over-give and then resent it? Naming the pattern is most of the work.
Reflection
Questions to sit with
- 01When you are hurt, do you say so, or do you go quiet and make the other person guess?
- 02What did you learn about love from the home you grew up in, and which parts do you want to keep?
- 03When did you last apologise without adding an explanation?
Put it into practice
Action points
- 01For one week, ask 'do you want help or do you want me to listen?' before responding to any problem someone brings you.
- 02Write down the last three arguments you had. Identify the real underlying issue in each, rather than the surface topic.