A boundary is a statement about your own behaviour, not a demand about theirs: 'I won't continue a conversation where I'm being shouted at. I'll come back when we're both calmer.'
Part 01
The lesson
Boundaries only work if they are stated calmly, in advance where possible, and then kept. A boundary announced repeatedly and never honoured teaches people to ignore you.
Reflection
Questions to sit with
- 01When you are hurt, do you say so, or do you go quiet and make the other person guess?
- 02What did you learn about love from the home you grew up in, and which parts do you want to keep?
- 03When did you last apologise without adding an explanation?
Put it into practice
Action points
- 01For one week, ask 'do you want help or do you want me to listen?' before responding to any problem someone brings you.
- 02Write down the last three arguments you had. Identify the real underlying issue in each, rather than the surface topic.